Not What My Hands Have Done

i don't know about you but i struggle sometimes. i struggle with believing the right things, self condemnation, sin, etc. the list could go on and on.

i am a little paranoid. i like to check to make sure i've turned off the straight iron one last time before leaving the house. i double and triple check the doors to make sure they're locked.

i am a germaphobe. hand sanitizer is my friend. a good friend.

i wonder if i am messing up my kids with all my idiosyncrasies.

but my main struggles are anxiety and unbelief. i think they seem big to me because they encapsulate so many other struggles. i don't really believe that God is big enough to take care of me and those i love. i don't really believe that all things work together for good. and because i don't really believe those things, i then think that God is going to punish me for not believing. it is a terrible spiral that can easily spin out of control rather quickly.

His Word is the one thing that can point me back in the right direction. this is His Word for me. for my messed up heart. i need it more than i recognize.

and sometimes music can point me in the right direction too. we sang this song in church today and i highlighted the part that jumped off of the bulletin, headed straight for my heart.

Not what my hands have done
Can save my guilty soul;
Not what my toiling flesh has borne
Can make my spirit whole.
Not what I feel or do
Can give me peace with God;
Not all my prayers and sighs and tears
Can bear my awful load.

Thy work alone, O Christ,
Can ease this weight of sin
Thy blood alone O Lamb of God
Can give me peace within.
Thy love to me O God,
Not mine O Lord, to Thee
Can rid me of this dark unrest
And set my spirit free!

Thy grace alone, O God,
To me can pardon speak;
Thy power alone O Son of God,
Can this sore bondage break.
No other work save Thine,
No other blood will do,
No strength save that, which is divine,
Can bear me safely through.

I bless the Christ of God;
I rest on love divine;
And with unfaltering lip and heart,
I call this Savior mine.
His cross dispels each doubt,
I bury in His tomb
My unbelief, and all my fear,
Each lingering shade of gloom.

I praise the God of grace,
I trust His truth and might,
He calls me His, I call Him mine,
My God, my joy, my light.
'Tis He Who saveth me
And freely pardon gives
I love because He loveth me,
I live because He lives!

(Words by Horatius Bonar; Music by Kevin Twit, copyright 2001 Kevin Twit Music)

sometimes when i sing these songs i get distracted by the music and don't really meditate on the words. that is one of the reasons i like to share hymns or songs from church here. reading the words can be such an encouragement to my heart, and i hope to yours.

so when i am anxious this week, i will remember my unbelief and fears are buried in His tomb. that is where they should be, not in my heart. in His tomb.

thank you Jesus.